On Parameters of Emotion:
The sentiment is growing louder in 2026
“You’re not too much.”
Not loud enough to drown out
Everyone still telling me
I’m too
Dramatic
Messy
Angry
Abrasive
Explosive
That familiar shame creeping
Red in my cheeks
Constricting my chest
All the words I meant to say
Now lodged firmly behind my tongue
Choking me into palatable silence
Unable to paint a picture vivid enough
Of the little girl forced to swallow down
Any emotion
That made the adults uncomfortable
That demanded emotional presence from a caregiver
That called into question choices made on my behalf
Tightly regulated parameters
Levophed
When I was too depressed to leave my bed
At 9 years old
Was shouting
“All you do is lay around!”
Nicardipine
At 14 years old
Was hot breath hissing in my face
“You better calm down and quit telling him what I say to you.”
Bring me up
Drop me down
But only to the degree
Everyone demanded of me
Stretching my arms
Projecting my voice
Running when everyone else is walking
Meandering as others sprint past me
Allowing myself to not only experience
But to express
The full gamut of human emotion
Was my first step towards a healing soul
And now?
Allowing myself to not only
Experience
Express
But also
Insist
That my experience as an emoting human being
Is valid no matter
The discomfort of anyone else
Without sharing fully my lived experience
Day by day
Practice makes progress
Measuring the miles
By the willingness of my baby
To collapse in my arms and sob
Her stuffed bear’s nose fell off, you see
A safe and secure space to express any and every sentiment
From elation to despondency
To fully expand into the messy reality of my humanness without fear of judgement
This is what I pass down to my children
This is my legacy