On Making a Choice (further rambling)
At this point this is a journal, isn't it? Oh well.
Today I force myself to swallow all of the bitter pills. I'm a 40 year old side chick. I'm a mess on the couch, mourning the failure of a mother I am to my children, wanting nothing more than to be held but he's got a commitment to uphold and I'm only fun for fucking. Heaven forbid I ask the next time I can see him. Instead, I am alone and accepting that what I do is ruin lives. I make choices that will continue to leave me sobbing in an empty living room. I hurt people. That's all I've ever done.
But it's time. Time to make the decision that sticks. Time to let go. I can handle being alone if it's what I choose, not what's forced upon me. And so...back to it.
What's the point of this? Who knows.